I Tried Real Hard to Use Small Words

So, Daku comes up to me, right, and he’s all like, “Mr. Heezy, there just ain’t no news no more!” and I’m all like, “Look at you, all roguish, and you can’t even find no news” and he was all like, “Whatchou talkin’ bout, Hian? There just ain’t none” and I’m all like, “Just sit back apiece, son, an’ I’ll show you the wassup”

the rest of this post will follow in theatrical dialogue form

Hian: Yo, you know Sparkneedle?
Daku: That weird ass strip at Girly matic? By the Spike?
Hian: Word. It’s free now.
Daku: Fo’ reezy?
Hian: Straight up freezy and now daily.
Daku: No shiz.
Hian: Wahoo Morris, too.
Daku: Yeah?
Hian: Yeah, it’s reruns, but free is free, my man.
Daku: Word.
Hian: But chittin’ the chat ’bout LadyMatic brings me to ‘Hold My Life’ which has been experimentating with a soundtrack.
Daku: Like C-Garza?
Hian: Word, but with less blinking.
Daku: Cool, cool. — What else, man?
Hian: John Law be daily now, Reckless Life is clickwheelin’ and dealin’
Daku: That’s one of Phil’s things, yeah?
Hian: Yeah… Let’s talk about somethin’ else.
Daku: Aight.
Hian: Full Story is updatin’ again, Manley Joe is castin’ a pod, the ‘zaminer is up after some testical difficulties, the WCCA is voting… lesse… There’s an interview with Cardinal N, Theater Hopper ain’t hoppin’ no mo.’
Daku: Aw, that’s balls, dog.
Hian: Yeah.
Daku: Damn, Hian. How do you do it?
Hian: I’m a mac. Duh.


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About iank

Ian has studied Latin, German, Classical Greek, French, Linguistics, and Theater. When he was a kid he wanted to be a dinosaur and, later, an English teacher. At some point, this proved unfeasible and so he went on to be a juggler, a musician, a bartender, an inventory manager, and, once, an efficiency consultant. He has loved comics since he wanted to be a dinosaur and his love continues to this very day, from Alan Moore\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s Miracle Man (nee Marvel Man) to the Far Side. He even makes some of his own.

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